I suppose Beth broke out again. Shes been uncontrollable

i shake when i let her out. its exhausting to fight her. Shes gotta bigger mouth than me7 i can fit my fist in my mouth. Shes gone ballistic and has been raging on and on about my weight. im not too bad anymore..

Im  127. 10 lbs lighter than a year ago, or 3months ago. Shes everywhere. i mean it. Shes out and about. i ignored her for a week until i couldnt take it. she was on the couch in the morning when i was looking at the back of a book call Room. or something. all i said was yes, no, and stfu. I dont where shes gotten the attitude change but its bad and manipulative. Its lures me obv. she got dtrong ya know? the only thing i like to give into is the amount of cigarettes i have everyday. yeah she likes them, but i like them cuz its keeps her quiet few some time.
   -BethIsDeath 

The awkward moment when i start to purge but only a handfull came up within an hour…

Fuckin cereal!
I had two big bowls and this shit happens

Fuck this! i wish my gag reflex would work likea normal person
that way i could just put my finger down my throat and itll just BLEHH!

Well even now ive been in denial of bulimia because i dont do it much like real bulimics do everyday after every meal. Its been 4 years and im a senior now.

I think prilosec fucked up my gagging even more (i took it cuz i wanted to get better at the time). This fucking sucks. i have guilt and bloating and im tired

Is it really that hard for me to throw up? Actually Is it really that hard to CONTROL what i put in my damn mouth?!? Fuck my humungous weight.